It's amazing how much difference one person can make in your life.

Sometimes they ease into it, slowly learning more and more, the way one reads a book, slowly but steadily, turning page after page.

And then you meet someone, and you decide you'd rather give them the sparknotes version, and allow them to rush into your life, and you still can't get enough of them.

You meet this one person who seems to know all the answers, and you let yourself be happy. You let yourself hope that maybe it's going to work out this time.

Everything appears to make sense, and you let your guard down.

And that's the worst mistake you can make. Because by now, you've passed the point of no return. And you realize what a fucking idiot you've been. You've opened a door that you cant just close. There's too much going through it, and the more you try to force it, the more exhausting the whole thing is. It becomes clear that it's all or nothing. And you're so scared it's nothing. You're so fucking terrified that you break down in front of him, and you feel the hurt going through you as he confirms your fears, and tries to console you at the same time.

Rather than easing the pain he just adds to it, and you want him to be a fucking arsehole, and give you a reason to be mad. You don't want him wrap his arm around your shoulder and let you soak him with tears, while he whispers to you that it'll be okay, and that he understands. But you can't shy away, because it means acknowledging that it's gone.

Whatever flame of hope you had is still flickering away deep inside, and you're not sure what you're going to do when it goes out, so you just cry and cry, waiting for the moment when you can wipe your eyes and put on a brave face. It comes eventually, and when you've stopped sobbing enough to talk, you realize that you're still not ready to let go.

The words "just friends" sting a little more each time you say them, each letter serving as a reminder that he's not yours, he never will be.