I know I'm being a hypocrite.

You didn't do anything that I hadn't already done.

But now that you're not here, I'm starting to feel again, and I'm not sure if I can handle it.

I hate when you meet a gorgeous guy, and he gets your number..

And then doesn't text.

Fuck you, no-one goes that long without credit.

This book is so beautifully written. It's one of the saddest things I've ever read, but Alice Sebold's writing style is so addictive. I feel as though I cant put it down, despite the tears running down my cheeks, as I visualize the story.

I'm only four chapters in, but I assure you, I can already tell it is worth the read.

I'm becoming more and more disbelieving of love every day that passes.

I thought that maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough. Maybe I just needed to pay more attention. But I'm really starting to think that maybe it really doesn't exist.

We went to party last night, and despite the fact that I had a good night, I've walked away with a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, maybe it's just me, but I've always thought, if you're going to marry someone.. Then maybe it should be someone who you're actually committed to spend the rest of your life with. Apparently, only unmarried people think like that. Or so one would think, given the guy who tried to get me to fuck him in a bathroom. Or the other guy who used his wife's phone to text "Come back so I can fuck you" after we'd left. And you know, apparently I'm enough of a slut that more than one person felt the need to ask if anything had happened. Because I guess everyone thinks I'm that kind of girl.

I hate that people can stand in front of their friends and family, vowing to love one person forever, but then think nothing of cheating. I want to see a marriage that isn't a lie. I want to see love, I want to feel it. I want something to hope for, I need something to reaffirm that love isn't just a four letter word that people toss around.

The Dark Mark.

I couldn't find my camera, so this is just a photo off my phone, but...

NEW INK!

If you don't know what the image is, then you're obviously not cool.

Or not quite as geeky as me?

In any case, I'm super happy with it :)

Even if it does hurt like a motherfucker.

We cry because there's nothing left to do.

I went out with mum and Justine last night, and got into the Capital with Naomie's ID. The night started out pretty crappy, and ended even worse. I drank too much too fast, got mouthraped on the dancefloor, managed to get a few bumps and bruises, called a bunch of people, and stumbled home at around 4am only to throw up violently and have my mother say "I told you so".

I was sick this morning, and left work an hour early because I could barely stand, only to come home and bawl my eyes out for ages. I still feel sick, and I don't seem to be getting any better at all. I turn eighteen in two days, and I never fucking want to drink again. I'm seriously considering cancelling my birthday thing on Friday. I'm still trying not to burst into tears again, especially when I think about how much he doesn't want me, and I have no trouble remembering WHY I wanted to write myself off last night. Mum and Justine made it worse.

I was dancing with a boy.

Mum: Michelle, you have a boyfriend!

Me: No, I don't.

Justine: What happened to the boy you're always with?

I turned away to start dancing again, trying not to cry.

Justine and Mum: Michelle!

Me: He doesn't fucking want me okay? They never do.

I danced, and tried even harder not to cry.