Love, Actually.

I'm sometimes not sure if it's just that romantic comedies have given me unrealistic ideas about love, or if what we have isn't the right kind of love.

I have no difficulty believing you love me, none at all. But I do wonder, is it enough?

Before we were together you told me you didn't think you could love me, not the way a man loves a woman. That you thought our love could be limited to that of close friends.

So, I guess that begs the question, what changed? I'm the same as ever. Different hair maybe, but the same clothes, same personality, same heart. You're the same as always, fuck, you haven't even really changed in appearance.

Sometimes I consider just ending things here and now. After all, I cried over you a lot when we were friends anyway, and nothing's changed. I'm sure I could cry over you, my ex boyfriend just as well.

Would it be better? Would it hurt more to break up with you, or to have you break up with me when you meet someone new? I guess it's my fault really. I wanted you when you were in a relationship, and I couldn't help but be happy when you ended it. The whole time leading up to us, I was chasing you, but what I was craving was to be chased. Even now, if I mention breaking up...

Something tells me you wouldn't follow, you wouldn't chase. Not because you don't care about me, though i think that itself is the worst part.

I know you care about me, so much. What kills me, is knowing how much you love me, and feeling it as a friend, a lover even. And for now thats enough I think.

I guess when the time comes, I can either accept that you'll never be in love with me, or I can't.

Killing Time.

So, for those of you who don't know, having a full time job is no fun at all.

It's like being back at school, but worse.

To anyone still in highschool. I wish I'd known what I know now when I was your age.

The adult world sucks.

I miss school.

"Existential nihilism is the belief that life has no intrinsic meaning or value. It can stem from scientific analysis showing that only the physical laws contributed to our existence. With respect to the universe, a single human or even the entire human species is insignificant, without purpose and is not likely to change in the totality of existence."

I guess I can't disagree with you there.

I sometimes find it worrying how often I feel able to relate to the images I see on Postsecret... But then I figure, hey, at least I'm not alone.

Enjoy the little things..

Too often, I get worked up about stuff, and forget to take time to enjoy the little things.

Little things like getting coffee with someone you never imagined you'd end up friends with, talking about anything and everything and gaining a brand new perspective.
Things like cute text messages, the type that you read, and all of a sudden theres a silly looking grin playing on your lips.
The really simple things, like relaxing into a steaming hot bath at the end of a long day, and reading a novel you love.

I think if I could manage to take more notice of the nicer aspects of life, as small as they may be, I might be a happier young girl.

Good times..

I'm posting this now, because if I dont, the clock will tick over to the 26th, and it will have been a full month since my last post. And we just cant have that!
A lot has happened this past few weeks. I've completed my training and become a fully fledged Salmat agent. And lets face it, you all just about creamed your panties in excitement just then.
In other news, I've moved into the granny flat. It's actually physically closer to my parents room than my bedroom was, but all the same, the small taste of freedom is much welcomed. It's nice to have so much space to myself (and it makes it easy for certain people to sneak out at 6.42 in the AM). I realise that my two newest followers may be dissapointed in my choice of images, but I'm not super sure where my phone is right now, and far too comfortable to get up and look for it. You have my fondest apologies. Lately I've been trying to reconnect with old friends, it makes me sad when I realise how close I USED to be to certain people who I barely speak to now. As well as this, I'm making new friends, and hoping that I can hold on to these ones!
The thing I'm most excited about right now is the prospect of moving out in a few months. As much as I love my parents, I want some independence, the freedom to make my own decisions (and possibly my own mistakes), so I'm really hoping that everything goes according to plan!

P.s. I kinda like a boy. It's a little bit exciting. (:

Buzz Lightyear al rescate!

I saw Toy Story 3 last night with Brendiggity and Mags.
I couldnt have asked for a better end to one of my favourite childhood movies!
Simply amazing movie.

Milo and Mocktails.

Things seemed so much easier when we were in highschool...

I looooove presents!
Pokemon and Diddy Kong (:

The two adorable boys in my life right now (:

At the moment, my life is looking up and looking down, both at the same time. I'm finally in what will hopefully prove to be a steady relationship, I'm on the road to better paid employment, and I'm reasonably happy and healthy. However it seems that fate's not quite ready to let me settle down just yet. It's an almost universally known fact that when one thing in your life works out, another part has to come tearing apart at the seems. In my family for example, it's becoming hard to remember who's angry at who for what, but as it stands, two of my sisters aren't talking, my sister's moving out, and apparently I'm a terrible daughter.
Oh wait, mom, you already told me that a few months ago!

Despite this, I've been doing my best to stay positive, with help from a combination of jogging, massage, a good old hot bath at the end of the day, and making sure I put aside some "me" time everyday. Unfortunately, this "me" time leaves me less time to work on several dwindling friendships. What's hitting me hard is the partial loss of one of my closest friends. For the last few months, he'd been the closest person to me in the world, both physically and mentally- we had all the best parts of a relationship, without any of the drama and emotional mayhem. Or so I thought. It seems that in this case, it was not me, but my counterpart who was unable to remain unattached. I was hopeful that our friendship would continue to thrive, even without its physical aspect, but a few hours of company seem to indicate that it may soon wither and die. So I've gained a boyfriend, and possibly lost a friend. Just dandy, right?

I'm looking back over this and realizing that what started out as a fairly upbeat post has taken a dive, but really, what can you expect from a blog called Schadenfreude for Beginners?

Riding for the Disabled.

Due to my internet dropping out constantly, I've only just been able to load blogger long enough to start a new post.
We had our R.D.A. fundraiser on the weekend, and raised $1109.70, and had an amazing time whilst doing it! We headed out to the pubs, dressed as Gypsies (although I've been told I didn't look very gypsy-y), and collected donations in return for stubbie holders and whip key-chains!
It was a great night for all, A big thank-you to the generous Wagga Wagga community!

Winston!

KittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKittenKitten!

I've been neglecting this so much lately. I almost feel bad, but then I remember that no-one really reads it anyway, and given that I rarely actually do anything worth writing about, so rather than multiple posts, I'm going to sum up a few things here.

Parents with screaming children:
I hate you. One of the worst aspects of working at a cinema during the holidays is having to deal with kids. There are the parents who use us as a babysitting service, the ones who drop their offspring off so they can get a few hours of peace, and the ones who bring their young'ns in and spoil them until they stop making noise. Because, hell, good parenting is just far too difficult! It's the stuff like this that makes it so relieving to have polite customers every now and then.

Unrequited feelings:
It's a horrible thing to like someone who doesn't like you back. It's just as bad knowing you're putting someone through it. I wish love was fair.

Kick-Ass:
Violent, shocking, and surprisingly deep. One of the best movies to come out this year, absolutely loved it.

What are you?!

*Christian Bale voice* I'm Catman

Profession, as determined by length of beard.

Source: CollegeHumor.com

xkcd.

Yo Ho! Yo Ho! A pirates life for me!

Awesome costumes: Check.

Goofy smiles: Check.

Fun times: CHECK!

I have been so eagerly anticipating this movie, counting down the weeks until its release, so imagine my delight when I had the chance to watch it tonight. Unfortunately, all my excitement was for nothing. Daybreakers tries very hard to be original- set in a post-apocalyptic future, hematologist Edward Dalton is looking for a solution to solve the increasing food shortage. Vampires outnumber humans so much that they're beginning to starve, and the search is on to find an alternative food source. Through a chance meeting, Dalton meets the strong willed Audrey Bennett, and together with Lionel 'Elvis' Cormac, they are able to discover a cure.

So, it sounds pretty awesome so far, right?

Daybreakers was full of plot holes, from beginning to end. There were points where you really had to wonder who actually thought it'd be a good idea to make a movie so damn stupid. The Vampires have all the weaknesses of traditional vampires, yet it appears the only thing they gain is immortality. They do not gain strength, speed, or even devilish good looks. While the movie did have it's share of decent one liners, such as Willem Dafoe's character, Lionel's, "Living in a world where vampires are the dominant species is about as safe as bare backing a 5 dollar whore", overall, there is just too many explosions and not enough of a storyline.

Daybreakers succeeds in originality, but its downfall is the poor way in which the idea was executed. Something that could have been brilliant has failed miserably, resulting in a film that is not worth the admission price, and certainly not worth the frustration of trying to piece together answers to all the unanswered questions it leaves the audience with.

I was reluctant to cut my own fringe again. Last time I trimmed it I messed it up, and I think if it hadn't been annoying me so much, I'd have left it until I can get into a hairdressers.

Surprisingly enough though, I actually like it now. It's taken me a few months, but I've finally got the length and shape I was after.

The fact that my hair grows so fast that my fringe will once again me too long in only a fortnight, is therefore very irritating.

On the topic of hair, I really, quite drastically need to get some hairdye when I'm in town tomorrow. My regrowth looks grey :S

I know I'm being a hypocrite.

You didn't do anything that I hadn't already done.

But now that you're not here, I'm starting to feel again, and I'm not sure if I can handle it.

I hate when you meet a gorgeous guy, and he gets your number..

And then doesn't text.

Fuck you, no-one goes that long without credit.

This book is so beautifully written. It's one of the saddest things I've ever read, but Alice Sebold's writing style is so addictive. I feel as though I cant put it down, despite the tears running down my cheeks, as I visualize the story.

I'm only four chapters in, but I assure you, I can already tell it is worth the read.

I'm becoming more and more disbelieving of love every day that passes.

I thought that maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough. Maybe I just needed to pay more attention. But I'm really starting to think that maybe it really doesn't exist.

We went to party last night, and despite the fact that I had a good night, I've walked away with a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, maybe it's just me, but I've always thought, if you're going to marry someone.. Then maybe it should be someone who you're actually committed to spend the rest of your life with. Apparently, only unmarried people think like that. Or so one would think, given the guy who tried to get me to fuck him in a bathroom. Or the other guy who used his wife's phone to text "Come back so I can fuck you" after we'd left. And you know, apparently I'm enough of a slut that more than one person felt the need to ask if anything had happened. Because I guess everyone thinks I'm that kind of girl.

I hate that people can stand in front of their friends and family, vowing to love one person forever, but then think nothing of cheating. I want to see a marriage that isn't a lie. I want to see love, I want to feel it. I want something to hope for, I need something to reaffirm that love isn't just a four letter word that people toss around.

The Dark Mark.

I couldn't find my camera, so this is just a photo off my phone, but...

NEW INK!

If you don't know what the image is, then you're obviously not cool.

Or not quite as geeky as me?

In any case, I'm super happy with it :)

Even if it does hurt like a motherfucker.

We cry because there's nothing left to do.

I went out with mum and Justine last night, and got into the Capital with Naomie's ID. The night started out pretty crappy, and ended even worse. I drank too much too fast, got mouthraped on the dancefloor, managed to get a few bumps and bruises, called a bunch of people, and stumbled home at around 4am only to throw up violently and have my mother say "I told you so".

I was sick this morning, and left work an hour early because I could barely stand, only to come home and bawl my eyes out for ages. I still feel sick, and I don't seem to be getting any better at all. I turn eighteen in two days, and I never fucking want to drink again. I'm seriously considering cancelling my birthday thing on Friday. I'm still trying not to burst into tears again, especially when I think about how much he doesn't want me, and I have no trouble remembering WHY I wanted to write myself off last night. Mum and Justine made it worse.

I was dancing with a boy.

Mum: Michelle, you have a boyfriend!

Me: No, I don't.

Justine: What happened to the boy you're always with?

I turned away to start dancing again, trying not to cry.

Justine and Mum: Michelle!

Me: He doesn't fucking want me okay? They never do.

I danced, and tried even harder not to cry.